yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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