my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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