So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize