sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
