I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
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