Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
