I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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