I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
