Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
