No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
