I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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