Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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