he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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