All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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