i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
