She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize