it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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