For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
