You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize