i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
