I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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