I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
