I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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