She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
