She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
