It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
