if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So much rum. So many feels.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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