I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize