so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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