if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
