My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You're a waste of cheezeits
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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