I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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