How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
