I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
