Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
