I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
