He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
