the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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