Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Randomize
