saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm like, not good at living.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
