u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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