You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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