You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
