you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
