Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
