Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
