last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
