I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize