I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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