I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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