I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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