I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
