What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
