did you get engaged???
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
