In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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