Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
