why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
