What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
