I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
