So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
