My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
