If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
