I wish I could teleport
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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