remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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