God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
