its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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