im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
