i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Where is the hickey?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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