3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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