I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
