TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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