It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
