someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
