I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Someone came in the potted fern
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
