So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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